Addiction

      It has been so long since I have written a post for the blog. It has been a VERY busy few years. I started a Podcast in March of 2020 and I found it much easier to get my thoughts and words out in that way...but today I felt the strong gut feeling to write out some of the episodes for those that do not listen to podcasts. 

 Here is one that I felt should be the first, it is all about Addiction:

     I've been a little bit reluctant to do an episode about addiction because it can be such a sensitive topic for many people, including myself...but with many of us going back in to lockdown, my spirit team has been whispering in my ear all day to do this episode. The sense of urgency that I have felt from them the entire day, tells me that it is crucial and I need to make this one a priority over any others. 

     Since I was 13 I have battled addiction on and off...but I think when people hear the word addiction, they automatically assume it is to drugs and alcohol, and most of the time that rings true...but over the years I have battled other addictions that were not only drugs and alcohol. 

     As far as I know, there are two types of addiction. The first one is a chemical addiction. This one refers to addiction that involves the use of substances. The second one is behavioral addiction. This one refers to addiction that involves compulsive behavior. These are persistent, repeated behaviors that you carry out even if they don't offer any real benefit. 

   So let's talk a little bit more about the Chemical Addiction symptoms.

-the cravings can become so intense, enough so that it affects your ability to focus on anything else but that craving

-unease or worry if you can't easily access the substance

-risking taking the substance while working or driving

-the inability to stop using the substance 

-withdrawal symptoms while trying to quit

Some of the most common chemical addictions include: alcohol, opioids, heroin, marijuana, cocaine, nicotine and prescription pain meds

Now signs of Behavioral Addiction include:

-spending large amounts of time engaging in that behavior 

-hiding or lying about the behavior

-irritability, anxiety, depression or other withdrawal symptoms when attempting to quit 

-using the behavior to escape from unwanted emotions

Some of the most common behavioral addictions are: shopping, gambling, exercising, food, sex, TV and social media.

     There are many ways to seek help for both types of addiction. There are rehab centers, therapy, counselling, support groups and more. It is possible to overcome addiction but it must, and I say must be a WANT. I am not an expert or doctor, so I do not have all of the answers...but what I've been guided to talk about is MY journey to healing, and to share how I've done it with the help of my spirit team. Also to shed light upon others struggling with their own addictions. People use addictions to hide from pain and trauma. They use it to numb any painful emotions and if anyone understands that, it is ME!!!!

     So back to that 13 year old girl, that is when I started to experiment with alcohol. I liked feeling carefree and any sadness I was feeling from childhood trauma was replaced with a feeling of silliness and laughter....but that is what led to a night of sexual assault at 13. From that evening, my life spiraled out of control. Every chance that I got, I would drink. I would sneak alcohol from my parents liquor cabinet whenever I was going out. I started going to parties at a very young age because one of my best friends was 2.5 years older than me. She would take me with her to hang out with all of her friends. We drank rye and ginger ale every single time before we would leave the house. I was even going to the bars with her when I was just 16.5 years old. I had gotten fake ID and it worked so well, that I was let in everywhere! There wasn't a night that I didn't pre drink before going out anywhere. I felt that I needed to have alcohol to help me let go of my insecurities and to numb any of my emotions. 

     The biggest problem was that I never knew when to stop. I made such poor choices back then, and sometimes I would black out, throw up, cry or get emotional. I was and still am a very peaceful person, but if someone would hurt me or anger me while I was intoxicated...I had a hard time holding back this internal rage. I was actually kicked out of several bars for fighting. Yes, I know that sounds crazy and I swear I wasn't looking for trouble...but with alcohol, I had the courage to stand up for myself and this led to a few bar fights. 

     I experimented with a few different types of drugs as well and that mixed with the alcohol was just BAD news...and you would think that I would have learned a lesson with every poor choice, but I didn't. I would just continue to drink because I didn't want to feel anymore. I didn't want to feel anything. I hated myself back then I hated the choices that I made. Alcohol and drugs were my temporary escape from reality. 

     When I was 19/20 years old I was living with someone in the United States. He was an alcoholic. I was never in love with him, I know that now but at the time I wanted to escape from my parents. He was like a band aid for me at the time. I had always had an issue with alcohol, but living with him put me over the edge. We would also pre drink before we went out and at the bar (I also had a American fake ID) I would drink double cranberry vodkas. Sadly I could keep up with him pretty well. We would have these blow out fights by the end of the night and I would always end up on the phone with someone back home, crying my eyes out. I was miserable there, but I felt that was where I needed to be at the time. 

     Well, one of my lowest of the low times happened on a night out downtown Dallas Texas. We had a few drinks before we went to meet his friends at the bar one night and while there we kept ordering one after another. Somehow we ended up in a fight AGAIN and I was so upset that I left the bar. I was completely drunk walking the streets of downtown Dallas with high heels on and an outfit only fit for a bar. I remember meeting some random guy that offered to buy me a drink in a bar down the street, and I accepted. I even have a hard time remembering that drink, all I do remember is feeling uncomfortable. I then left him and went outside alone. There were two police officers on bikes out front. I remember talking to them, not really remembering what I had said. The next thing I know, I was placed under arrest and was in handcuffs in the back of a paddy wagon with a bunch of other people. I'm pretty sure I passed out on the way to the police station, and when I came to, I was in a room waiting to be processed for my night in jail. I remember two female police officers stripping me naked and searching me. I was then handed an orange jumpsuit, brown sandals, and shown my cell for the night. There were three other women in there with me. It was such a tiny dark, cold cell with a gross toilet. I was so drunk that all I remember was laying down and passing out. 

     I woke up in the morning and had to go to get fingerprinted and take a mug shot. I was mortified!!! I was told that I could be let out that morning but would need to appear before a judge in a few weeks. I was arrested for public intoxication. I was given my clothes back, but I had no wallet, no jacket and no money. I tried to call my boyfriend but he wasn't answering. He was probably still passed out drunk. I didn't know what to do...I left the police station walking the streets trying to find a taxi. It was a horrible, scary part of town and I'm dressed as if I was just coming from a club. I was absolutely terrified! After 10 minutes of walking, I finally found a cab and I told them I had no money but would pay them as soon as I got back to the apartment. I believe now that going to jail saved me from what could have been another horrible trauma....

     I don't think I had told anyone about my shameful night for many years, except my boyfriends mother. She was a recovering alcoholic and she told me she was so worried about me because I reminded her of herself back in the day. She even reached out to my parents back home and told them that I had a problem, and that I should be in A.A. 

     Well, I didn't listen. I did however leave him as I knew we were not meant to be together. I continued to drink and use drugs until I tried to get pregnant when I was 30. I cleaned up my life 6 months before because I knew I needed to be healthy if I wanted to be a mother. During the 10 years that my husband and I spent alone without kids, I felt safe to drink with him. He was my protector, but I also knew that I was still hiding from my painful past. I knew that I wanted to continue to be numb because I wasn't ready to heal. Cleaning up my body before pregnancy really helped me. Having my children made me not need to hide anymore because I was so busy doing my best to be a good mother...but when I my youngest was about 2 years old, I had suppressed trauma come to the surface. It was horrific for me, and I instantly relapsed.

      For a short time I went back to my old ways and numbed myself. I waited until my babies were asleep as that was my worst time because I was alone with my thoughts. I didn't want to think or feel any more pain...and then my spiritual journey began.  I had no other choice but to learn to heal my life. One day I remember crying and I knew that if I called upon Archangel Raphael, he would help me with addiction. I had enough of living a life that I was hiding from....and so I begged my angels to save me. I told them that I would do anything to work on healing myself, and I meant it. The very next day I quit everything. I was DONE! I went right to work on my traumas. It was BRUTAL! I allowed myself to feel it all, and there were days when I wanted to give up. I didn't want to be alive anymore. I almost wished to fall asleep and never wake up...every single time I thought I had healed one wound, another would surface. 

     There was one particular day that the pain was just too much. I was dying inside and felt that I couldn't go on. My thoughts were going to a very dark place. Nick and the boys were upstairs all sleeping in our bed. I was downstairs hyperventilating, crying, walking around in circles...contemplating taking my life. I wanted the pain to end. I had lived through more traumas than most could ever experience in one lifetime...and I was ANGRY!!!! I was ANGRY that this was the life that I had to live....and as I paced our home with these heavy thoughts, I wasn't considering my husband or children. I was falling deeper and deeper in to that dark hole...when all of a sudden I heard one of my angels yell at me to go upstairs and look at my family...and so I did!

     I flew open the door to the bedroom and what I saw was three of the most angelic humans that I have ever known. They were sleeping so peacefully as I stood in the doorway sobbing. It was as if I snapped out of that dark spell and looked at my family with a heart full of gratitude. My children deserved a mother who chose to fight, and my husband deserved a wife that would be his partner in life...to be there to help him raise these incredible humans that we had been gifted. 

     That night I made a choice. I chose to heal. I chose to fight back and be the best wife and mother that I ever could be...and I was going to do that sober. 

     So you see, I believe that this is why people turn to addiction. To hide from PAIN...and right now we are in the middle of a pandemic and my spirit team guided me to talk about addiction. Many people are unfortunately turning to addiction to cope. I am fortunate enough to be able to enjoy alcohol once again because I no longer drink to numb...and I may go weeks without a drink, because I don't need it. When I do choose to have that glass of wine or margarita, I do it when I am in a high vibration. I now know that my limit is 1 to 2 drinks, but again, it's not just alcohol and drugs that are the issue. It can be the shopping, the compulsive exercising, sex, TV, eating and social media. We all have our vices, it's part of living a human experience...but what is absolutely CRUCIAL is that you recognize why you have that addiction. What is going on in your life to make you need these things? What are you hiding from??? 

     Healing is never easy, and I totally get it!! It is so bloody hard to do, but our souls are here to learn and evolve...and how can we do that if we remain STUCK???

     This pandemic is forcing everyone to heal. When have any of us ever had this much time on our hands? We are being guided to work through our shit. Your spirit guides, and I mean everyone's guides are concerned that people are going to continue to numb their emotions  while being isolated. They wanted me to reach out to all of you to help you learn to feel it to heal it. We turn to these addictions because we are afraid to let the mask fall away. We put on a brave face  everyday to not only convince others that we are ok, but to also convince ourselves. 

     As a Medium, I have connected to so many souls on the other side who's lives ended because of addiction. Almost each and every one of those souls told me that they were in pain. They also told me that they also tried to numb everything...and I get it. 

     So I want to leave you all with this today: Addiction is difficult and so hard to heal from...BUT IT IS POSSIBLE!!!! The one and only thing that makes it possible...is to WANT IT!!  You've got to want it so badly that there is no other option BUT to heal your life. Call in your angels and spirit teams to help you, and they will. Ask Archangel Michael and Raphael to help you to heal that addiction. They may guide you to a treatment centre, psychologist, healer or therapist...but it is up to YOU whether or not you choose to go. If you are struggling, please, please reach out to someone. You never have to suffer alone. I'm stubborn, and I did suffer alone for so long...but I finally asked for the help. Yes for me, it was asking my angels but even that took a lot for me to do. 

     Here I am today, feeling like I don't have to hide anymore, and you can as well!! I always say "You have to feel it, in order to heal it". That is the TRUTH! 

Sending you all so much love and light...

Karina 

xoxo

www.divinemessages.ca

Here we go once again...

Once again I thought I was capable of being able to write another post....and yet it has taken me all this time. I have been getting the message over and over to write and share my story. 5 years ago I had a full vision of my first book. I even saw the cover of it. I saw that it was going to help thousands, if not millions of people...
I will say this again, I am not a writer. I hated school and never felt good enough to be able to write...but this story...the story of my life I know will help so many people. It is burning inside of me to share it...and yet each time I think of sharing, fear sets in. The fear of how my family will feel after I speak my truth stops me from writing.

As a healer, I know that I am no good to anyone unless I unleash these truths and share. I have been and will most likely be judged for the rest of my life...so why hold back?? It IS time now to let go and follow my heart and soul....so here we go once again...

Going back to that little girl that I once was, I never could explain why people would tell me their deepest darkest secrets. My parents used to fight over everything. I was the one they sat at the table to listen to their sides. Each one trying to prove that they were right in some way. Both of my brothers somehow were allowed to escape..but oh not me. I was forced to just sit there for hours while they each pleaded their cases. They even discussed their sexual problems to me. Yes I know this sounds extremely crazy...but as a healer I now get it. I was able to hold the space for them to unleash. Not a healthy thing for a little girl...but that was MY normal.

Let me take you back to that shop where I left off in the last post. I explained how I paraded around in front of the men who worked for my father. I was constantly seeking attention and approval. I wore the shortest of shorts and walked around that shop as if I was a woman on the prowl. I had no idea why I thought that was what I was supposed to do.....The summer when I was 7 was when I found out my mother was pregnant with my youngest brother. I was ecstatic!!! I loved babies, I carried around dolls with me wherever I went. I was given an Annie diary (remember the movie) for Christmas that year. Each day I wrote in it and all I talked about was the new baby that was coming. I was counting down the days until it would arrive.

That summer we took a 2 month trip over to Europe. My father had shipped over our motorhome so we could travel around and visit family. We went from country to country exploring and camping. Sounds like a dream doesn't it? Sadly it was anything but that. Their fighting always scared us.

The most memorable time on that trip was our visit to Lourdes, France. The Pope was in town. People had come from all over the world to be there to see him. For those that do not know anything about Lourdes...it is the place where St. Bernadette had apparitions of Mother Mary and where she was told to dig a spring of water for the town. That water is said to be so healing and holy. Visitors gather there in hope to heal their physical but also mental illnesses. There were thousands upon thousands of people in wheelchairs and crutches. I remember feeling so overwhelmed by all of it that the second I touched this spring water I was brought to tears. I sobbed and I sobbed...and only now do I understand as a healer that I was picking up on everyone's energy and emotions. I was not upset by this...but rather confused. I wanted to see all these people leave there healed and smiling. It was quite the experience. Within days of this experience, I became very ill. I had a horrible throat infection. I ended up in a hospital somewhere near Paris. I was under the weather for days but was still so happy that I got to go to see the Pope.

Once we came back from Europe and I started school in the fall...I was now in the 3rd grade. All I thought about day in and day out was this new baby that was coming in to our lives. It was what kept me going and gave me some excitement again about life. Yes I was so young but way wiser beyond my years. I knew that none of us were happy. Everyone was struggling in their own ways between my mother, father, brother and I. Somehow I believed this new baby would make my parents happy again....
The night he was born is a night that I had blocked out for almost 30 years. I will explain that one in the next post...I must gain my courage to do so...

I know I am all over the place with writing this story...but to be honest, that is how it is coming out for me...so please bare with me through this journey. It is taking every ounce of my courage to even try sharing. There is so much to tell and I promise I will...in my own timing if I can. I thank you for your patience with me and am grateful if you are reading this...

I will not say when I will write again, because I have no idea when that will happen...but I will do my best🙏❤

Back at it...

     It has now been over one year exactly since writing my last blog post. It became too difficult for me to continue as I wasn't sure if I could go back there again in my mind.  I thought I was ready....but clearly needed to do some more healing before I could get back at it.

     So for those that read my last entry, I suppose it was rather a cliffhanger. I wrote about the shop that we lived above.  This is the place that I remember some of my earliest disturbing memories. This is extremely difficult for me to even type...but I am going to push through that in hopes of helping just one soul out there by writing this! 

     I can still remember the strong smell of the fresh paint coming from the auto body shop downstairs. When we first moved in to the small apartment above, I remember being so excited. The place had so many neat little rooms. The building was huge, or so it was to me as a child. I spent most of my days exploring every nook and cranny of the place. There were even old abandoned vehicles in the back of the property. My girlfriend and I used to collect old cigarette butts off the ground that the mechanics would throw away. We gathered as many as we could and would go to the old cars and literally smoke every single one. I was 7 years old at the time. My brother caught us one day and threatened to tell my parents. I was absolutely terrified. I cannot even imagine how they would have reacted, but I knew it would be really bad. So how did he let me off the hook? He made me swear to do all his chores for 1 year!! Yes 1 whole year! I never complained, I just followed along so that I could avoid the wrath of my parents.

     It was 1982 and the era for wearing short shorts and jelly shoes. I remember always trying to dress up in my mothers stylish clothing. I loved putting on her green and blue eye shadow and prancing around the house. Most little girls do this, or so I believe. I am assuming it is quite normal....but what I now realize what isn't normal is the feeling I had parading in front of my fathers mechanics that worked for him. I WANTED their attention. I waited for them to notice me. There was one particular guy that to this day I will never forget the look in his eyes. He was leering after me. I wanted the attention but at that moment, it truly scared me. 

Why was I acting this way? Why did I want this attention so bad. That is something it took me so many years to truly understand. 

     I will skip ahead to almost 30 years later....I was 35 when I had my second son. I had gone to see a psychic/healer as I was feeling so unsettled. I started to have these horrific flashbacks to my childhood. Things that just didn't make sense. I went to her to see if she could help me understand what was happening....she did open up the deep dark box that I had been suppressing for almost 30 years....

     Now I will go back once again to that little girl....I was such a shy soul. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I spent most of my childhood somewhat floating out of my body. I daydreamed almost all day long. It was a way for me to escape. I also watched a lot of tv and listened to music to keep my mind busy. 

     I never quite felt a connection to my mother, she always seemed to be so cold to me...even at 7 years old I remember feeling as though she didn't see me. I was always in trouble for something. She used to make fun of my baby photo from the day I came home from the hospital. She would tell me that I was such an ugly baby. She would tell me what an awful time she had after having me. She said she cried all the time and that all I wanted to do was nurse. This was my normal. I was used to hearing those words throughout my life. As a mother myself now, I thought my children were the most beautiful things in the world when they came out! I cannot ever imagine not only feeling those things, but actually saying them! I now recognize that she had extremely bad postpartum depression. I believe she never bonded with me while she was pregnant. She was so unhappy in her life and having me was a "burden". She never found that bond or love for me....and that I will explain later on in another blog. 

     I believe what I find the most difficult about writing this blog is that there is just so much to tell....I am glad I am doing this tonight. I've thought about it all year long, yet just couldn't bring myself to do it. I feel the time is now right. I feel I will write again even tomorrow. The words are wanting to spill from my mind and out my fingers...although I think for tonight this is enough....I want to take some time to process and come back again fresh and rested, ready to continue on with the story of my life. To anyone that happens to stumble upon my blog, know that it is no coincidence. I am so grateful that you have taken time out of your life...to listen to mine. 

Namaste

Karina

 

     

Memories...

     I have been procrastinating writing another entry....for many reasons. I started to have anxiety worrying that my extended family would read these and be shocked, perhaps angry for somewhat "shaming" the family by airing my "dirty laundry". There are so many things about my life that they have no clue about. 

     Then spirit told me that I HAVE to write, and I HAVE to be completely honest. This is how I will be able to help others. That worry about "shame" is what we are used to in society. Keep things hush hush, on the down low....brush things under the carpet. Pretend it never happened! 

     I am going to move past that fear, that worry because I am meant to give a voice to those who cannot speak. To those who hide their head in shame! To those who use addictions to cover up the tormenting pain they feel inside! It is about time to speak up and give a voice to those who are on the verge of death, just as I once was...

     So here we go......

     One of my earliest memories is when I was about 4 or 5 years old. It was Christmas day. We had just gotten dressed so that my mother could take us to my grandmother's place where all of her family would be for a very large party. I don't remember how my parents started to fight, I just remember the yelling and screaming. Then the next thing I remember is my dad choking my mother holding her up against the wall. This is where my older brother took me by the hand and told me that we should go up to our rooms. 

     Christmas was always so morbid around our home. Each year they would have extra fights and it was always about their families. There is not ONE Christmas that I remember being joyful and fun. It was always the same old thing. My mother would spend hours in the kitchen making a fantastic meal on Christmas Eve and we always went to midnight mass after that. At this point there was already tension building up between them. We would then be allowed to open one gift as we celebrated a European Christmas because of my father. We would go to bed with that excitement as any child would have on the eve of Christmas.....but it was the mornings that were dreadful. We would wake up so excited to open all the gifts under the tree. The problem was that you could feel the tension in the air...it was ice cold. They would not speak one word to each other. My brother and I would open our gifts in silence for fear of rocking the boat. 

     I truly hated the Christmas holidays, right up until I had my first son 8 years ago. I would always do my best to escape out of the country or work extended hours in retail so I could avoid any form of celebration. Having children changed that for me though. I now have that excitement in my life, it truly feels like a redo of my childhood holidays. 

     I did not have too many vivid memories of my childhood, I blocked out most of it until 5 years ago....but now it is like a puzzle to me. I have been piecing things together for the last couple of years. I have learned that trauma will do this, it IS possible to suppress painful memories and they can slowly come back through flashbacks....

     We moved around a lot, all in the same town but my father was always buying and selling property. I believe we moved at least 4 times by the time I was 6 years old. I have a few memories of those places. One of the homes (the one where I remember my mother being choked) was one of my favorites. We had an in ground pool. My father bought this very cool bubble that went over the whole thing. He had big blowers with heat to keep it all warm inside which allowed us to swim in the middle of a Canadian winter!! 

     The next place that we moved to from that home was to a property that had a couple of acres and a very large shop. My father was a very talented Auto body man who was known for his restoring work. He had a few men that worked for him and it became a very successful business. This property had a huge shop downstairs and an apartment upstairs in which we lived. My older brother and I thought it was a very cool place, there were so many interesting spots to explore! There were a few abandoned cars in the back of the property and my friends and I would spend hours in them pretending that we were adults driving. There were all kinds of offices and little supply rooms that I would spend time in. I can still remember the smell of the fresh spray paint. It was in this place that I remember quite a few disturbing memories...

     I think I am going to pause for today and take a good break. When I come back and write again, I will explain some of those memories to you all.....

Sending you lots of LOVE AND LIGHT...until next time...
Karina
xoxo

     

The reason behind the "Journey To Healing" title...

     After reading through my first post, I felt the need to explain why I chose the name Journey To Healing for my Blog name....

     Yes I have explained that I am a healer, and that I talk to spirit, but I never really explained WHY I was so in tune with my abilities...especially as a young child. So let me give you some insight in to my life...

     My father is from the Czech Republic and moved to Canada in the early 70's. He had a pretty tough life growing up in a communist country. He fled to Germany with his brother and didn't go back until he was allowed in the early 90's. My mother is from Pakistan, and she also had a tough life growing up. She was sent to an awful boarding school when her father died when she was 13. Her large family split up and had to fend for themselves until one of her brothers sponsored them all to move to Canada. 

     My parents met at a local bar in downtown Toronto. They quickly got married and had my older brother. Then I came along two and a half years later. We grew up in a little town called Newmarket just outside of Toronto. Their marriage was a disaster from the very beginning. They were from two completely different worlds trying to make a go of it. Eventually we found out that my father had told my mother on their wedding day that he was a divorced man (a no-no for my very catholic mother). She found out about an hour before walking down the aisle. She felt she had no choice BUT to get married that day as she was also pregnant. You can even see their faces in their wedding photos looking completely somber. 

     Just a few months after they wed, she started to receive letters from the Czech Republic with child's writing...she then found out from him that he also had an 8 year old daughter that he never told her about. These are the things that I believe started their path of a destructive marriage. 

     My father was an extremely hard worker, he would do anything to make a buck. Now when I look back though, I see some of the shady things he did to accumulate so much. We were known as "rich" to some. We would take two and a half months vacationing around Europe every couple of years. My father had shipped his GMC royale motor home over to Germany and we would travel to all the best beaches in the south of France and Spain. Some of my favorite countries I loved were Greece, Switzerland and Austria. We stayed with my Aunt, Uncle and two cousins in Germany every time for at least a week or two. Sometimes they even travelled around with us. Friends and extended family thought our lives were wonderful.  They would see our photos of us at the top of the Eiffel Tower, swimming at the best beaches and visiting luxurious castles all over. Little did anyone know, that behind closed doors things were very dark. 

     For so many years I was bitter and angry with life. I will explain many, many of my experiences in upcoming posts as it will take me so many to share it all. I was in the middle of writing a book....but I got to my teenage years and it became too difficult to continue as the pain all came back. I have now worked on healing my life and traumas over the last two years and I am finally ready to share. I was told by spirit that what I have learned, I will teach. This is why I was born to be a healer. Those awful experiences throughout my life have allowed me to truly empathize with people and help them on their path to healing. I am very grateful to even be here, for there were a few times that I almost ended my life.....

     To any of my friends or family that are going to be reading these, I am sorry if you never knew how bad it had gotten and that I was near death. To those of you struggling with trauma, depression or anxiety. I hope you follow me along this blog journey so that you can know that you are not alone and there is ALWAYS a reason to KEEP GOING! Our pasts DO NOT define us. We CAN choose happiness and LOVE.

Until next time...sending you lots of LOVE AND LIGHT
Karina
xoxo

The Beginning...

      Ok, so I finally decided to start writing my very first blog. It has taken me so long because to be honest, I was worried about all the grammar and spelling mistakes that I would make. I am not a writer by any means and so that can be extremely intimidating! The other thing was I was afraid of putting my heart and soul out there and not having a single person care to read what I wanted to share...now that is a HUGE fear for me!
Sooooooo today I said screw it, I want to share things about my life that I think may help someone out there. Even if only ONE person reads this, I know it will be meant for them. To heck with perfection, I am going to do this anyways. Here we GO!

     I am a Psychic Medium and Spiritual Healer. Yes I know that may sound wacky to some, especially to those who are skeptical. I've dealt with people judging me my whole life, and I am perfectly ok with that. I am who I am and I chose to live my life helping as many people as I possibly can! 

     Growing up "different" wasn't exactly easy. Imagine seeing dead people standing at the end of your bed as a child?! Talk about feeling like a freak! Especially when I would go to my parents and tell them that their friend who just passed away came to talk to me within days of his passing. I will never forget the day that I saw my first spirit. We moved to a century old home on a farm when I was 9 years old. It was so spooky and living in the middle of the country, everything seemed dark. It had such old wood throughout the home. It had a very cold cellar in the basement where we stored our wood for the wood stove. I swear it was as if that cellar was full of creepy spirits. If only those walls could talk! Everything about the house freaked me out. That one scary night, I went to go up to my bedroom and happened to look up the stairs before turning on the light, and at the very top was a glowing figure of a woman! It took my breath away, scared the living daylights out of me! 

     I never quite understood why I was having all these "visits" from DEAD people!? Why were they with me everywhere I went??? As a child, you start to think that you truly are a freak. So none of your friends are having these "visits"?? How was I able to also just "know" and predict things? It took me years to understand that YES I did have these abilities...did I want to pursue them, HECK NO!!!!! I was scared to death! 

     I just turned 40 in October and for the last few years I have embraced who I am. I knew that I had a purpose, and that was to get on with it and begin healing the world...one person at a time! In my upcoming posts, I will be sharing my life story. In the 40 years, I have lived a thousand lives. I have experienced things that even to me surprises me that I am still ALIVE. So to whoever is reading this (if there is anyone at all), I am going to bare it all in the hopes of healing through my words....

Sending BLESSINGS and LOVE your way...
Karina
xoxo